Excuses and Reasons... Would if have mattered?

Today, I chanced upon an interesting quote (which coincidentally is very applicable to some happenings earlier today);

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."

~Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin

Which led me to search for a dictionary explaination for this word that has since become a common place in our day to day lives; "Excuse". According to www.dictionary.com, an excuse is "an explanation offered as a reason for being excused." Which means, it's an explaination, but not amounting to a reason.

I don't know about you, but I hate excuses. Especially when I am really, really pissed about something. On most of the days, I am actually pretty accepting, and even believeable when it comes to excuses.

But it's just not one of those days today, when a very close friend offered not one, but 3 excuses as an explaination for what has happened. Not only did I not bite on the explaination offered, I saw a change, and my heart sank.

A week ago before my wedding, my friend asked, "are you going to change after you are married?". With mock amusement, I replied after a pause, "unlikely, afterall Derrick and I have been together for a while, and we are quite used to each other". My friend turned over with a widw grin, "yeah, i thought so too".

After the short exchange, an invisible, subconsious agreement formed between us. It was like an agreement that things between us will not change no matter what (i.e. still make time for each other, talk to each other, be there for each other, be truthful and respectful to each other as we've always been).

7 days later, all that changed. And finally in return for our friendship, I was offered 3 excuses... all of which meant nothing to me... Not because I am not listening, but I know she probably made a decision without much thought, and I am greatly saddened because even she don't know the reasons.

I though I deserved better than that... I deserve a reason, not 3 excuses...

To the friend who sees no end: Here's to our own happiness... wherever we are...

Grapevine, the sort of communication system you should never, ever depend on...

Our world has progress by leaps and bounds, especially in the expansive variety of communication vehicles that helps the modern people (supposedly defined as extremely busy people who are driven to work like slaves in return for nothing less than a paltry pay and an abused, disillusioned soul) make new friends and keep old friendships going....

Perhaps, the conveniences that one reaps from technology actually makes one lazier...

I always believe that the value of the message and the position of the recipient will determine the form of communication / delivery mode the sender (or in this case, the author) intends to put through. Hence, I am always very appreciative of small little hand-written cards.

For example, if it's a message to ask if your friends are keen to have dinner, you can do away with the addressing, and the formality of a voice call even. A note, an SMS or even and MSN message will suffice.

But if it is something that the sender think might be of a more private nature, where the reaction of the recipient might be voilatile (in the negative sense of course), the sender should consider a more one-on-one mode of communication, such as a phone call, or even a meet up.

The worst communication mode of it all, is to HOPE that the grapevine will carry your "desired" message to the rest of the intended recipients. Unless your grapevine comes in the form of a published matter, that has been edited and proof-read for consistency and accurarcy, you have absolutely NO chance of getting the RIGHT message across.

It takes years to nature and build a relationship, and all it takes is one single word, uttered or slipped out the wrong way to destroy it, especially when the message content, recipient position and mode of communication totally belittles the relationship.

It sounds really minor, but it's a great deal to me... With every kind of relationships (kindship, courtship, friendship etc), you're not just sharing a piece of cake, a short story or even the latest gossips... you have inevitably shared a part of who you are with the other party.

That's what makes all relationships valuable and unique, all it takes is a little respect for it to go a long way.

To this end, it is with much regret that some good things do come to an end...